March 11, 2004

The Search
by: EJ

I don't know why I feel this way,

Its like I'm suffocating or drowning,

The anxiety and depression are starting to beat me down,

Its the same old story all over again,

I search for a new ending,

But I never seem to find it,

I learn from the mistakes before,

But there are always new mistakes to be made,

I'm growing tired and weary of this story,

Maybe its not a new ending I need to find,

Perhaps I really need to find a new beginning,

Few people understand how I feel,

But the few that do, haven't found the answeres yet either,

Perhaps we're all trapped in a maze,

Like a mouse constantly searching for the cheese,

I wonder if the mouse ever felt like giving up,

Cause I do- I want to call it quits,

But can't because I can't ignore my problems,

Ignoring them only causes them to build up,

Then without warning it all comes crashing down,

And I hit rock bottom face first,

I'm tired of feeling this emptiness,

I'm tired of having a cold and stone heart,

I am immune to feeling any real emotion,

It all seems surreal like a movie,

I'm on the outside of the world - looking in,

Its like I'm watching a play of my life,

But yet I really should be living that life,

Not watching it,

I keep floating outside the world and watching everyone,

Wondering when gravity will pull me back to sanity,

Perhaps I keep floating because of the empty void withing me,

But so far I've failed with everything I've tried to fill the void with,

Those things only made me feel emptier,

I ponder what of all things can fill the void,

What is it that will make me happy,

Perhaps its not just one thing I need to find,

Like a scavenger hunt,

And once you have everythnig on the list - you win a prize,

The problem is that I don't have a list,

So I'm guessing that this search,

Is going to be a long journey,

But hopefully I'll find everything I need,

And patch up that huge void,

And once again be happy.