July 31, 2005

No Sign

by: EJ

When I felt that key in my hand,

My heart dropped like a stone,

I drove by the bar she was at after I left work,

No sign of her,

The whole way home I cried,

All the while hoping,

She'd be waiting for me at my apartment,

No sign of her,

I come inside hoping,

She'd left me a note or message on my machine,

No sign of her,

She didn't come here tonight,

Like I wanted and needed her to,

But she was giving me my space,

She doesn't realize how majorly she fucked up by not coming here,

I will see you at 11 she says,

What happens when I slam the door in her face,

If you're my girlfriend who I only get to see once a week,

And the one day you're here and I need you,

You say I'll think about it,

Thats fucked up.

July 31, 2005

Never Knowing

by: EJ

Its always such a joke to claim that I'm happy,

Cause its always a lie,

I tried once more to do the relationship thing,

What can I say its not working out,

I'm pulling the same shit again,

Except for this time I really like her,

But of course she doesn't realize this,

As I write this I have my razorblade and washcloth,

Next to me on this desk,

But of course she doesn't realize this,

Why because shes not here,

Shes giving me space that I never asked for,

I haven't gotten to talk to her about how I feel,

I may not want to be in a relationship with her,

But that doesn't mean I don't want to be with her,

Afterall I only get to see her once a week,

I may not be happy but its not because of her,

Its cause I don't love myself,

I have a rainbow flag symbolizing pride in my living room,

Its ironic cause I don't have any pride in myself at all,

Matter of fact I hate myself and the way I am,

I used to wonder what life was about,

Now I just wish it was all over.

July 2, 2005

Bopper

by: EJ

It always comes back around to her,

The one I wanted from the beginning,

Always waiting patiently,

She came back to me for a moment,

Although she didn't know it then,

For that moment she was truly mine,

She claimed she wanted more of us,

Both of us knowing its not possible,

In that moment,

She finally let me in,

Finally seeing what I'd been trying to show her,

All these years,

The love that I'll always hold for her,

And the love I've always wanted to give her.

July 2, 2005

Freedom

by: EJ

The displays of red, white, and blue,

The flags,

The stars and stripes,

Symbolizing our country's independence day,

The land of the free,

What a bold-faced lie that is,

Truth be told,

None of us are free,

There are so many laws and regulations,

All restricting our basic rights,

But ironically these days,

They are trying to take away some basic rights,

Not try because they already have,

What justification do they have for this,

They use God as an excuse,

But what they don't realize,

Is that our nation was not founded on religion,

But for equal rights,

To seek life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,

So how can I celebrate our national freedom,

When I myself have no such thing,

My country itself has denied me freedom.