December 7, 2007

Hanger

by: EJ

Its another sleepless night,

I blame it on her and her beautiful face,

I still see her eyes smiling back at me,

Hair blowing in the wind,

The sunlight beaming down on her,

Like a sign from God,

Theres something about her,

That makes me believe in life again,

I've found love, hope, faith, and happiness,

Things I never dreamt of feeling again,

Nothing of this magnitude atleast,

I can't get her off my mind,

I see her in everything and everyone,

I picture her little swagger when she walks,

I hear her in every lyric to any song,

I picture her singing the songs she loves,

She's in the odometer of my car,

Telling me I'm only so many miles from her,

I have itchy texting thumbs,

My fingers attracted to the keyboard like magnets,

How I wish I could sweep her off her feet again,

I know I have the ability,,

Just please give me the opportunity,

How can so very few moments make me feel this way,

If my blood counts are off,

Its cause she's coursing through my veins,

She is in every fucking beat of me,

I tried so hard not to fall,

We both tried to stop it,

I'm in a situation I can not change,

She has a life and a significant other,

Her loyalty only makes me want her more,

I've lost my two best friends to this,

I can't interfere any more,

Being with them destroys me,

My feelings intensify as does the awkwardness,

I try to stay away and stop contact,

Clearly said and clearly asked,

Yet she keeps coming around,

Writing, texting, calling,

Not wanting to lose me,

Not going to stop trying to be my friend,

How much more clearer do I have to be,

I want so much more than that,

My feelings aren't going to change,

They won't just go away,

I know how it feels to be close enough to feel her warmth,

I feel completely content in her arms,

To feel the endless possibilities,

They exist,

Do you hear me,

Those forever type of feelings,

They exist,

I keep trying to go away,

Ignore how I feel,

But she keeps coming back around to me,

For once is someone coming after me,

Trying not to overanalyze things,

What else am I supposed to think,

When she tells me a song reminds her of us,

She said it made her think of what could have been,

To me that seems like she still has feelings,

Such a hard situation,

Change is hard,

You can't just drop someone you've been with for two years,

You can't just fall for someone else,

To that I say imagine me and you,

It is more than just a fairy tale,

It is a possibility,

A chance,

A opportunity,

Please just realize and don't let it pass by this time,

How I wish for one thing,

To whisper in your ear and tell you how I feel,

Before I wanted to say I think I could love you,

Now I know I could love you,

She has so much to risk,

But how much will she lose by never taking the risk,

Please just realize.

September 9, 2007

To Who I Was

by: EJ

The drive home gets longer and drawn out,

I know what to expect there,

Knowing where I'm not wanted,

I drive the roads here,

The same roads,

The same car,

That she spent so much time coming here,

To cheat on me,

Ironic how this is my home now,

I get lost on so many streets,

I see endless possibilities,

Knowing I can heal here,

Pushing me to never go back,

Back to the me that I hated,

To the person I became,

The side she brought out in me,

The person I never want to see again,

Some just don't understand,

Going back would be a death sentence,

To drown in my own misery,

To suffocate on the bitter air around me,

If you knew who I once was,

You don't know who I am now,

And you'll never know me ever again.

July 16, 2007

Hour-Glass

by: EJ

The feelings have returned yet again,

Craving that cold blade,

Of dragging it across my flesh,

The urge is so strong,

Like the ocean tide,

Pulling me further and further away from shore,

From sanity,

The tiny grains of this time bomb,

Are gracefully pouring down that odd-shaped glass,

Hypnotized as they all fall down,

Leaving a vast emptiness,

Drop a blackcat in it,

And watch it all explode,

Perhaps the glass will pierce your heart,

And you'll feel my pain,

But perhaps you've felt it before,

I will not deny these feelings,

Merely accept that they are there,

And consistently flip that hour-glass,

Hoping that time won't run out,

I'll still fight like I always have,

But if you notice a new mark,

Don't be surprised,

Just know I gave in,

And waved that white flag once again.

July 16, 2007

Limerence 

by: EJ

Here in this strange place,

Trying to being again,

Struggling to find a foothold,

Hopes of tomorrow,

End with today,

No more thoughts of yesterday,

No more ideas of her and I,

I hoped of finding clarity,

But my vision was only blurred,

The timing isn't right,

It never has been and never will be,

Is it my procrastination,

In the form of limerence,

The lust-love of the unattainable,

Denial of reality,

In hopes of a future love,

Easily dismissing my goals in life,

For the touch of another,

But it was her touch,

Her face next to mine,

Only a momentary thing,

She's back with her comfortable other,

Familiarity is easier,

When faced with the unknown,

Scary isn't necessarily always a bad thing,

Losing out on a magnificent thing,

Is what I'd be afraid of,

So I try and fail.

June 17, 2007

Raging Fury

by: EJ

As the storm blows in,

Balls of light explode within the clouds,

The brightness pouring over the edges,

Giving a mere glimpse of the inner turmoil,

You can't quite hear it yet,

But with each flash,

You know the war rages on,

The closer and closer the storm gets,

The more you can feel it in your bones,

The sudden crack of thunder,

Sends shivers through your spine,

As lightning crashes down,

You feel the burn in your eyes,

Temporary blindness ensues,

The eye of the storm,

Isn't always eerily quiet,

The rumbling sound of destruction and chaos,

Nature in its full fledged glory,

Captivating in its magnificent fury,

Rolling along like the earth and sky,

Are coming to devour you whole,

After the storm passes,

You're left sopping wet from nature's saliva,

Surviving the greatest of storms,

Leaves you with adrenaline pumping,

Leaving you feeling that raging war within.

June 16, 2007

Truckin

by: EJ

The red glare from passing tail-lights,

Curiosity strikes once again,

Who are they and whats their story,

Where is this journey taking them,

Each to his own exit,

Changing lanes is simple second nature,

So many paths intertwined,

Non-stop merging and yielding,

There are those who cut it close to live dangerously,

A little excitement,

To drown out the mind-numbing sound of the road,

Unfortunately some never make it to their destination,

But the pace moves on nevertheless,

Continuously in motion,

Its a matter of being driven to keep going,

Or be run over and left to rust,

There will be plenty of detours along the way,

Hopefully some road trips of a lifetime,

We'll all come to a dead end someday,

But in the meantime,

There are infinite roads waiting to be explored,

I hope when we cross paths,

On one of these old dirt back roads,

That we'll both wave,

As if to say keep on truckin,

Theres still more out there to enjoy,

Good luck.

June 13, 2007

Caution

by: EJ

Mindless self-indulgence,

Really just sheer denial of the truth,

The ultimate choice of living,

After finally being made,

Is ironically frowned upon,

Fuck all of you hypocrites,

And your criticisms,

I've hidden from the world,

Stepping aside to let everyone else live,

I had waited far too long,

Finally gaining mental clarity,

My decision was obvious,

Diving in head first into this infinite abyss,

Quite different from running full fledged into a brick wall,

My options are endless,

Daring to risk all,

But taking caution with my heart,

I know what I want from life,

Only my path is unclear,

Atleast I'm willing to take it one step at a time,

I'm finally indulging in life,

And I don't see the problem in actually living,

Its not careless and thoughtless,

If appearing as too much too fast,

All I can say is I do have some catching up to do.