September 28, 2005

Recently

by: EJ

Why is it that for 19 years,

I never knew the truth,

They let me hate my father,

When I should have been hating her,

She fucked our family over,

Yet I didn't know till recently,

They never explained it to me,

Just left it as she filed for divorce,

And filed for bankruptcy,

Leaving my father screwed over for decades,

But I still didn't know till recently,

How fucked up it all really was,

She'd been having a long-term affair,

Thats why they really divorced,

I sometimes wonder if my dad is really my biological father,

Afterall I look nothing like him,

But testing that theory would kill him,

So I leave those questions alone in my head,

I wasted so much of my energy being mad at him,

I can't bring myself to hate her for it,

I hate what she did but I forgive her,

But I hate myself though,

Cause all along I treated him like he was unworthy of my love,

I hope he can understand and forgive me,

Cause I didn't know the truth till recently.

September 28, 2005

Employees

by: EJ

She's been working two jobs lately,

Nearly 14 hours everyday of the week,

But they don't give a damn,

Not showing up for work,

Or calling in sick,

She's the one covering your ass,

She's awesome at her job,

But why should she be doing yours too,

For years on end,

I've seen her work her ass off,

To catch up on what you've been lacking,

She's finally getting tired and weary,

And sick of your shit,

She claims if nothing changes,

She'll put in her resignation,

But really she should fire your stupid ass,

For never doing your job properly,

For almost 19 years now,

I've been the one who see the results,

At the end of the day,

Her frustrations get taken out on me,

If she can balance three kids and a home life with work,

Then why the fuck can't you,

Give the woman a break,

She deserves it.

September 24, 2005

A Moment in Time

by: EJ

I asked her what her favorite moment was,

She spoke of a time,

That she found out someone cherished her,

That is perhaps one of the best feelings,

The knowledge that someone is proud of you,

I find it hard to remember a time like this,

I have a feeling I never will,

Cause things will be spoken too late,

The opportunity never taken,

Regrets hang heavy on the heart,

To this day there is no time-machine,

We can't change the past,

So seize the moment,

And speak your mind,

Cause you can never have that chance again,

Don't leave someone clueless,

About how you felt towards them,

Act now or they'll never know,

Don't let them feel,

How I do now.

September 14, 2005

Finding Out 

by: EJ

Why don't you tell me this,

Why can't you just listen and find out,

Just take a moment,

Pay attention for once,

If you want to know me,

I'll tell you my story,

All I ask is take the time,

And just listen very carefully,

And you'll find out,

I'll share every detail,

Down to the last little nitpicked thing,

Anything you ask me,

I'll pour my little heart out,

Just for you and only you,

Just listen and find out,

I'd tell you anything on earth,

My only hope,

Is for you to know me,

And maybe one day,

I could expect the same from you,

Cause I want to know every fucking bit of you,

If you listen really careful,

You'll find out I've wanted you all along.

September 14, 2005

Anxiety

by: EJ

This disease within me is overwhelming,

The fear immobilizes me,

My lack of a social life,

Is due to this,

No one knows how bad it can be,

These panic attacks that consume me,

I can't even drive,

I know in my heart,

I'll die in a car crash,

From falling asleep from my sleep apnoea,

Any hint of sleepiness,

Any sign of too many people,

I freak out,

Rapid eye movement,

Heart pounding,

Quieting sneaking away from the world,

But no one notices,

Cause somehow its well hidden,

I'm amazing at playing it off,

If I drop off the face of the earth for awhile,

Now you'll know why.