December 29, 2001

Broken Promises
by: EJ

Broken promises,

Are like taking a bird,

And breaking one of its wings,

Disabling it from flying,

Without help to mend its injuries,

Then it will eventually die,

Having too many broken promises,

For a human,

Is nearly the same,

It disables a person from living,

Not being able to love or trust anything,

And without help,

They will eventually die,

But it doesn't have to be that way,

Its easier to just not break a promise,

But things do get broken,

And most of the time,

Broken promises can be fixed,

With love and care,

And a little glue here and there,

But even though theres still the pain,

Just give it some time,

Things will get better.

December 15, 2001

Whatever It Takes
by: EJ

You know what,

I want you in my life,

I really do,

So from now on,

I promise you,

I'll do whatever it takes,

And even though your other friends,

Most likely hate me now,

I'll still try to get along with them,

And learn to trust them,

Whatever it takes,

Even if it means,

Quitting my favorite sports,

This is my promise,

And you know,

If I wasn't going to keep it,

Then I wouldn't make it,

Seriously I love you,

And I'll do anything,

To keep you in my life,

I'll never give up,

Just remember this,

And tell me what to do,

Cause I'll do whatever it takes.

December 4, 2001

Love Conquers All
by: EJ

I don't know what to say,

I don't know what to do,

To make things better,

She hates me,

And all of her friends hate me now too,

I guess she has her reasons,

For hating me,

But I don't know what they are,

So how could I change them,

And help make things better,

She chooses her friends,

And she decides what goes on between them,

She may not want me to be her best friend,

Or even her friend,

But I'm not going to stop trying,

I will always have the will to try,

But she is the one that has to decide,

Cause this time around,

I'm not going to give up,

I'm not going to avoid her,

I am not going to lose her,

I won't ever quit,

Cause I won't give up someone that I love,

And love conquers all.

December 2, 2001

Meaning
by: EJ

The moon shines brightly tonight,

But through the cloudy sky,

You can see the well lit holes in the atmosphere,

You would think I would be at peace,

When I look upwards,

But I'm not you see,

It just makes me cry even more,

It makes me really scared,

Cause I realize,

That if things don't work out between us,

I won't ever be able to feel that peace,

Much less see any of the beauty in the world,

Because without you,

I won't be able to live,

And I'm not just saying that,

I am extremely serious,

If we say goodbye,

Then I say goodbye to my life,

As harsh as it sounds,

I really would take my life,

Why live,

When there is no meaning in it,

There is no peace anymore tonight,

Because its raining now.

November 27, 2001

Crying
by: EJ

I've been crying at night,

So much for sleeping snug as a bug,

Although there are no monsters under the bed,

I'm still scared out of my mind,

Scared of losing you,

Mainly to change,

I don't think you can see that you're changing,

But its clear as day to me,

Best friends don't have communication problems,

For each tomorrow that comes now,

I see that you're drifting farther away from me,

You get closer and closer to new best friends,

Perhaps thats what I'm afraid of,

Knowing you can move on in a life without me,

And me knowing that I couldn't survive without you,

Every moment I am thinking of you,

And as of now when no one is around,

Is when I cry,

Just that one single tear,

Allows the rest come in a continuous flow,

Until there are no more left to cry,

If things stay the way they are,

I'll eventually drown in my own sea of tears.

November 6, 2001

Decisions
by: EJ

Decisions... Decisions,

There are too many to make,

Should I do this,

Well what about that,

I can't decide what to do,

This sounds good,

But that sounds better,

Its just pure insanity,

I know what I have to do,

But thats not necessarily what I want to do,

My duties,

And my wants,

Seem to battle each other,

But one eventually wins,

The consequences of tomorrow,

Are not something I look forward to,

After all of my choices,

Come the results,

Ughh... there are so many decisions to make,

Its pure insanity.

October 28, 2001

Tell Me Please
by: EJ

I'm feeling lonely again,

Wish someone was here,

To hold me tight,

I long for that warm embrace,

I want to feel like I belong here,

And to be needed by another,

I want to know that someone loves me,

Is it so wrong,

To want these things,

I want to know that someone cares,

That I am alive,

Someone to comfort and reassure me,

Cause I assure you,

I would do the same for you,

So please,

Will you tell me you love me,

Will you hold me tight,

And comfort me,

And let me know that I do belong here,

I don't want to feel lonely anymore,

So will you hold me,

So tell me please.

October 18, 2001

Time
by: EJ

As I walk these halls,

So many faces,

Most of them I know,

But is doesn't matter,

We don't talk much anymore,

We've all changed over time,

Made new and different friends,

But that doesn't mean we forget,

About each other,

We know that we're still here,

We may not hang out now,

Like we used to,

But we'll always be friends,

Because deep within us,

We know we have a past,

And you can't forget that,

Throughout time,

We all change,

But out past,

Is part of why we change,

Its the past we cherish,

And the time in the future,

Is what we look forward to.

October 15, 2001

Internal Hell
by: EJ

I'm living a private life,

Thats an internal hell,

My soul is on fire,

But no one can see the flames,

And the demons within me,

Are ripping it into pieces,

On the outside,

I seem perfect and content,

But I am really,

Struggling to stay alive,

The screaming comes not from my mouth,

But from my heart,

These screams pierce my own ears,

But they fall silent to an ordinary person,

My interior is a blazing inferno,

No one sees the flames,

Cause my eyes are glazed over with ice,

The darkness within me is taking over,

The world might never know,

What goes on within me,

The darkness can hide everything,

To the world I will appear happy,

But I'm really living in an internal hell.

October 12, 2001

Girl Without You,
by: EJ

Girl without you,

I don't know what I'd do,

You are everything to me,

My life,

I will always love and trust you,

No matter what,

I abide in you,

I lwan on you during bad times,

I look to you for advice,

And strength to go on,

I look to you for happiness,

After all you are my best friend,

My confidant,

You mean so much to me,

Girl without you,

I wouldn't be alive today,

Without you,

I'd go insane,

My life would be empty and worthless,

Girl without you,

I would lose a sister,

And a part of me too,

I don't want to lose you,

You are too important to me,

To let you go so easily,

Especialy over something,

My mind imagined,

You've done so much for me,

I still want to return those favors,

I love you so much,

I can't believe,

Something like you,

Happened to me,

I am so glad you are,

A part of my life,

I appreciate everything,

You've done for me,

Cause, girl without you,

I don't know what I'd do.

October 11, 2001

Restart
by: EJ

Times are getting rough,

Will we make it through,

Thats all I'm asking these days,

I see you in pain,

Yet I can't stop,

Doing what I'm doing,

I made you cry,

Thats the last thing,

I wanted to do,

I could apologize,

A trillion times,

But I don't think,

That it would change much,

We'll probably have to start,

All over again,

From the beginning,

Cause I know thats where,

You first began to trust me,

But I now know,

I've lost that trust,

So if you'll give me the chance,

I'll earn your trust again,

Well I think its time,

For us to press the restart button.

October 4, 2001

Haunting
by: EJ

This time around,

I won't be lucky,

Things won't go back to normal,

Its just not possible,

Not after what I did,

Even if we could reconcile,

I don't think,

I could forgive myself,

The memories will always haunt me,

For now,

Things are awkward,

And I do plenty of avoiding,

I know it has to hurt her,

But some part of me,

Is driving me to end our friendship,

Trust me,

I'm hurting too,

I think about her 24/7,

And about what I did,

And it haunts me the entire time.

October 4, 2001

Never to be Found
by: EJ

I'm lost,

Just spinning in circles,

Don't know where I'm going,

Just totally oblivious,

Of whats happening,

I thought for a moment,

I caught a glimpse,

Of something I recognized,

But nope it was fake,

I was still lost and spinning,

Suddenly the spinning comes to a halt,

And the truth is blindingly clear,

I figured out what was going on,

Oh my gosh,

What have I just done,

I'm so stupid,

I just ruined everything,

And I know I can't take anything back,

Now this life,

Is not worth living,

I wish to be lost again,

And never to be found,

So the spinning begins again.

September 18, 2001

The World Around Me
by: EJ

I don't understand the world around me,

The people her are weird,

They're something one moment,

And something completely different the next,

They change so fast,

There are times I don't think they're real,

Because they are so fake inside,

They pretend that they care,

About all of the important things,

Yet, they are blind to see,

The pain they cause from their care-lessness,

I am very passionate about the things I love,

And also open-minded about most things,

But generally people totally blow me off,

When I try to discuss my opinions,

These people make me feel,

As if everything is worthless,

That my whole life is pointless,

It makes me feel horrible,

This is why they aren't my friends,

We are all just too different,

But these people will always seem strange to me,

And I'll never understand the world around me.

September 17, 2001

The Note
by: EJ

Sometimes I wonder,

If it ever came up,

What would I write,

On my suicide note,

Would I tell people I loved them,

Would I say its not their fault,

Not to worry about me,

And to move on,

Or would it be the total opposite,

Would I say I hate you all,

You ruined my life,

And made it miserable,

Its because of you,

That I killed myself,

Wow, its really hard to decide,

But hey I guess,

If the time comes,

I will know exactly what to write,

On my suicide note.

September 14, 2001

Clearly
by: EJ

I can't think clearly,

Everything is a blur,

I'm always thinking,

Maybe too much infact,

So many thoughts,

All at once,

It gets pretty confusing,

Alot has happened,

Lately I've mostly been thinking about,

My best friends,

The terrorist attacks,

And now more frequently,

About a guy,

Thats caught my eye,

I think I think alot,

Because I tend to analyze things more,

So many thoughts,

But not so much of time,

There are so many thoughts,

They all get jumbled up,

However, some get pieced back together,

But the others,

Just make it to where,

I can't think clearly.

September 13, 2001

Don't Know Why
by: EJ

I don't have anything to write,

I don't have anything to say,

Whats happening to me,

What has happened to us,

We hardly talk anymore,

I feel I don't know you anymore,

I'm scared of losing you,

Yet I avoid you,

And I don't know why,

I don't know what is going on with me,

You were my life,

My best friend,

Now it hurts to be around you,

And I don't know why,

You are still my life,

And the only reason that I'm still alive,

Maybe its turning out like last year,

Cause for no reason at all,

I'm shutting out the ones I love,

Maybe that or I'm in pain,

When I'm anywhere near them,

I'm so confused,

Cause I don't know why.

September 10, 2001

The Path
by: EJ

I don't know where life is taking me,

All I know,

Is that I have to follow my heart,

And it just may take me somewhere,

That is not with you,

Maybe thats why I hurt so much,

Knowing that one day,

I will have to give you up for good,

The time is coming soon,

Its going to be hard,

Cause we're the best of friends,

But our lives,

Are going in different directions,

Don't you dare tell me this isn't true,

Cause it is true dangit,

I have to move on,

Cause in this stand-still,

The pain keeps building up,

I am not sorry for going my own way,

Cause I have to follow my own path.

September 7, 2001

Today
by: EJ

Today, I said screw the world,

I hate it all,

I can't deal with this anymore,

I'm fed up with their crap,

I am a human just like them,

So why can't they treat me like one,

I've said it before,

And I'll say it again,

They will never understand me,

So they can go on about,

Their own happy lives,

Cause I obviously don't need them,

In my own miserable life,

Instead of helping,

They just make it worse,

After all,

I can't be everything to everyone,

So just get out of my life,

For good,

From now and forever,

Past today.

August 1, 2001

Can't Sleep
by: EJ

Its hard to sleep,

With lots on your mind,

There are many things troubling me,

The current friendships I have,

Relationships with my brothers,

Getting freaked out about school,

Trying my hardest at soccer practice,

I just can't sleep,

But I'm still tired,

But my mind still races,

Maybe its because,

I'm falling deeper into my hole of depression,

I proved it to myself,

When I cut myself,

Although its only happened once before,

I tried to find something else to do,

But the thought finally got to me,

After all theres not much to do,

In the early hours of the morning,

I wish I knew how to,

Transfer my thoughts into words,

So I'll actually know what to say,

The next time I try to have a serious talk,

Right now all I know is I can't sleep,

But nowI'm going to go and try though.

July 29, 2001

Amazed
by: EJ

I think I know why,

Wolves howl at the moon,

They're appreciating the earth's beauty,

But sometimes its the smallest things,

That amaze me the most,

Like the petals of a flower,

To the ripples in flowing water,

But also things like,

Glaciers and mountains amaze me too,

It's just the magnificent design and texture,

Everything is also very different,

When you compare it to another,

Which makes it original and unique,

But listening to the wind blow through the trees,

Absolutely hypnotizes me,

Or just looking up at the stars,

On hot summer nights,

But I don't know,

Theres just something about nature,

That always amazes me.

July 24, 2001

Let Go
by: EJ

Its time to leave this place,

I don't belong here,

Its not for me,

You know its true,

So why won't you let go,

You don't really care about me,

Cause no one does,

I hate it here,

Its so confusing,

All I really know,

Is the pain it causes,

I need to have a new beginning,

I have to leave this place behind,

It hurts too much,

I'm crying out to you,

Please, oh please,

Quit holding me back,

I'm miserable here,

Let me go.

July 24, 2001

What Would You....
by: EJ

What would you do if I went crazy?

What would you do if I said that I hated my brothers?

What would you think if I said that I thought I was bisexual?

What would you think if I suddenly went on a road trip?

What would you say if I told you I wanted to kill myself?

What would you say if I told you to bring it on?

What would you do if I moved away?

What would you think if I stopped playing sports?

What would you do if you knew all of my secrets?

What would you say if I said that I needed you?

What would you think if I gave you everything I owned?

What would you do if I dropped out of school and became a bum?

What would you do if I died tomorrow?

What would you do if we weren't friends?

What would you think if I came to you crying in the middle of the night?

What would you say if I told you I missed you every moment you're not around?

What would you say if I said that I love you?

What would you really say, think, or do?

July 20, 2001

Words
by: EJ

Words are hard,

But theres always a wild card,

Things need to be said,

But I have to use my head,

I have to be wise,

I must apologize,

I never meant to hurt you,

Or to make you blue,

I am on my knees,

Will you forgive me,

I knew I was closing up,

But I didn't mean to blow up,

I really am sorry,

But I can't give you a ferrari,

But from my point of view,

All I know is that I love you,

You are my best friend,

Words are also powerful.

July 12, 2001

Questioning
by: EJ

I'm questioning my sexuality,

Its kind of like virtual reality,

I know it seems strange,

But its always within my range,

I've had many clues,

But this ones new,

The same sex has my attraction,

But mostly to my satisfaction,

You just so happen to meet,

The ones that are ever so sweet,

I can't help who I end up wanting,

Geez its so taunting,

I can't help how I feel,

This is just my appeal,

However I still like guys,

But theres more than meets the eye,

I know about the birds and the bees,

But what about the uncharted seas,

In the long run,

It might be fun in the sun,

But I can't get burned,

If I leave no stone unturned.

July 11, 2001

Experimental
by: EJ

I have no soul,

So I'm not all whole,

Usually miserable,

Feeling invisible,

Probably manic depressive,

Yet still supressive,

I'm usually sentimental,

But also experimental,

Sometimes I drink,

Does that mean my life is in a kink,

I want to smoke,

But not weed or coek,

Sometimes I crave,

To go to a rave,

Usually I put on a happy act,

To get people off my back,

I hide my sorrows,

Deep down in burrows,

You can't criticize,

Cause you can't sympathize,

But when all is said and done,

You can be the first one.

July 8, 2001

Once Again
by: EJ

Happiness is on life's sink,

It can be washed away in just a blink,

I thought it was cool,

But I was just a fool,

It was a big deal,

But its not real,

I must have been especially picked,

Cause I was the one tricked,

I thought it would be pure joy,

But I was once again their toy,

I guess I'm at their dispense,

I'm glad I was used to make amends,

I had something special brewed,

But in the end I was the one that got screwed,

I am so sick of this,

Everything is amiss,

Don't expect me not to be mad,

Cause with this I'm even more sad,

When will things change.

June 26, 2001

Secrets
by: EJ

I have many secrets,

That I keep in my trinkets,

No one will ever know,

How deep they go,

Way down deep,

Hopefully always mine to keep,

There are some I need to tell,

So my mind can ring the final bell,

My tops about to blow,

She really needs to know,

Everything is real,

But how will she feel,

I am on the brink,

What will she think,

I heard the beep,

Its time to leap,

Now its up to fate,

Am I the one to hate,

Or will she be cool,

And know its only a tool,

For my life,

Thats been under the changing knife.

June 25, 2001

Missing You
by: EJ

My heart's screaming,

Cause everything is seeming,

So very far away,

Will it ever be okay,

You're always on my mind,

Which puts me in a bind,

It is my cue,

To get close to you,

I want to try,

But it just makes me cry,

I'm dying inside,

Without you by my side,

You're the one I miss,

It would be pure bliss,

And worth more than gold,

To be able to hold,

You once again,

The one I've always abided in,

Its hard to believe,

I was the first to leave,

And the first to try,

So that neither of us will cry or die.

June 6, 2001

Needing God
by: EJ

Well lately I've been doing my own thing,

Not doing what I need to,

But more of what I want to,

I haven't paid much attention to you,

I don't talk to you much either,

I have the time,

Yet I still don't do it,

I've got caught up in the world around me,

Instead of living my life only for you,

I've sinned a lot,

But I know that if I ask,

You will forgive me,

I was lost,

But now I am found,

I think I'm getting better,

Just give me some more time,

And maybe I will be,

The christian I used to be,

Cause I have realized,

You are the one I need,

And the only thing I need.

May 7, 2001

The Key
by: EJ

On the inside I'm screaming,

On the outside tears are streaming,

You're breaking my heart,

And tearing it apart,

You are a user,

Just to fulfill your maneuver,

You used me,

I am your key,

He is the lock,

That you used me to unlock,

I'm going insane,

From so much pain,

Why couldn't you stop,

I'm about to pop,

I have so much hate,

For you to anticipate,

I hope your brain,

Can deal with all my pain,

I have a belief,

That there is relief,

When you come to realize,

And to sympathize,

For the pain you've brought,

I hope your less has finally been taught.

May 3, 2001

Another Chance
by: EJ

I need a second chance,

Not a dirty glance,

I didn't mean to break your heart,

I don't want to part,

Our friendship was so great,

How can it get smushed with a little added weight,

I'm empty inside,

Without you by my side,

I loved you so,

You wouldn't become my foe,

I can't stand it when your not there,

Its hard to bare,

Especially when you don't seem to care,

Its really not fair,

Please give me a second chance,

It will be to you advance,

To your gain,

I will cause no pain,

I only want my dear friend back,

And to make a never-ending pact,

To stay forever true,

To the strongest friendship that anyone ever knew.

May 1, 2001

Mad Dog
by: EJ

She is so sad,

And can never get glad,

Her battery has run low,

And has lost her glow,

She needs to be re-energized,

And to be recognized,

She needs to be heard,

And to fly like a bird,

She needs to be treated equally,

Instead of being teased frequently,

She may not have much height,

But she always has a strong might,

She hurts a ton,

Yet they care none,

She questions why shes alive,

And why she strives,

She has the temptation,

But its just an aspiration,

It will be very hard,

To achieve her glad card,

But all she can do is try,

And hope her river never runs dry.

April 25, 2001

Pulling Away
by: EJ

I'm pulling away,

From this life thats gone astray,

It hurts so much,

I need someone to be my crutch,

Theres too much to give,

But somehow I live,

From day to day,

I still stay,

So much has changed,

It seems so strange,

All of my dreams,

Are tearing at the seams,

I think I'll go huddle in a corner,

I feel like a foreigner,

There is so much to fear,

But somehow I'm still here,

If I decide to stay,

I'll always be pulling away.

April 24, 2001

Miss Rose
by: EJ

You color your hair,

People think you're not all there,

You also color your facem

They think you're a big disgrace,

They call you a freak,

They want to send you up a creek,

But theres nothing they can do,

Cause you're drinking Mountain Dew,

They send you hate mail,

But thats just another story to tell,

Even though things get hazy,

You can always be crazy,

You're tempermental,

Yet you're sentimental,

You're a wild child,

You've never been mild,

You're always on fire,

And on the high-wire,

No one knows,

How far having fun goes,

Unless you're friends with Miss Rose.

April 19, 2001

Birthday
by: EJ

Its my birthday tomorrow,

They're planning a party,

Just for me,

But why,

I'm no one special,

Is it just a way,

To get with my brothers,

They think I'm going,

Ha, whatever,

I'm going to a friends,

Somewhere I'll enjoy myself,

They will wonder why,

But they'll never understand,

Why I'd like to stay sober,

More than likely,

My plans will fall through,

Like they always do,

I'm hoping for a great birthday,

But I'm not so sure,

That it will happen,

I guess,

I will just have to wait till tomorrow.

April 4, 2001

Fly tonight
by: EJ

Its cold and dark,

I'm sitting in a park,

And I'm all alone,

And by the payphone,

I'm in the rain,

And in pain,

I want to die,

I think I'll fly,

But I'm afraid,

To fade,

And to leave this world behind,

Sometimes I get caught in a bind,

I wonder,

But I don't have to ponder,

They don't care about me,

They just kick me in the knee,

No one ever will,

Until I go over the hill,

I'm being torn up inside,

With no one by my side,

My mind has "gone fishin,"

And all is missin,

My heart is broke,

So I just sit and drink my coke,

My soul has diminished,

I'm almost finished,

Why can't they tell,

That I'm not all that well,

I try to put up a fight,

But I wan't to try and fly tonight,

I want to die,

I think I will just fly.

February 28, 2001

Kayebaby
by: EJ

Best of friends right,

Nope it disappeared with the night,

You've left me behind,

All thats left is the trail of dust,

Between you and me,

You still try to play,

But your just getting in my way,

I'm turning away,

From our friendship thats gone astray,

I was hurt alot,

When you started to date the boy from the sandlot,

As a result,

I shot our friendship from a catapult,

Even though I regret it,

I don't think we can go back to it,

I miss our friendship,

But your having the time of your life,

While I'm hurt,

And down in the dirt,

If we ever forgive each other,

Thats when I'll try,

And be a friend to you again,

But I hope that I'll never get hurt again.

February 24, 2001

Wondering
by: EJ

As I sit here alone,

I wonder,

How my life began,

And why certain things were put into it,

I wonder,

Why do bad things happen,

But also why do good things happen,

I wonder,

What will it be like in the future,

Will I find true love,

I wonder,

Will my life eventually alter,

Or will it remain the same,

I wonder,

Will I ever prosper,

Will I ever be truly satisfied with myself,

But mainly I wonder,

Is there true happiness in this world,

All these questions,

Left unanswered,

But hopefully will be answered one day,

But until then,

I still wonder.

January 11, 2001

Pain
by: EJ

Pain sucks,

It can be physical,

Or emotional,

Either way it hurts,

Mental pain is the worst,

The pain tears at your heart and soul,

You will remember the pain for a long time,

Physical pain isn't quite as bad,

You might get hurt by accident,

But eventually the pain subsides,

And you will usually forget about it completely,

Emotions can be very intense,

Once something breaks your heart,

Your emotions beat you down,

They can make you depressed,

Sooner or later it will ruin your life,

However physical pain usually disappears,

Don't let the pain get to you,

Try your best they say,

Well that doesn't always work,

But hey it could work one day,

But pain will always suck.