September 23, 2004

Bashfest

by: EJ

Its not anything like being in a moshpit,

At a hard-core metal concert,

Its not like being shoved around,

On the soccer field,

Its not like anything physical,

It seems to be the ultimate party of the year,

That lasts for days on end,

Its fun for the others,

But for me my heart is continuously bashed,

My confidence shattered,

My trust and respect for people are thrown out the door,

They call me names,

And don't include me in games,

I'm just used for their amusement,

I feel I'm in the line of fire,

Up against an entire army,

I don't stand a chance,

All I can do is stand there,

Try to keep my ground,

While they continue to bash my soul,

Hopefully they'll eventually get tired of this festival.

April 13, 2004

Fear

by: EJ

What do you fear the most,

We all fear something,

But why do we let it control us,

We only live life once,

But whats the point of living,

If you've locked yourself in a closet,

Because you're so afraid of the world,

I believe fear is simply something we imagine,

It is our own closed-mindedness,

That refuses to reach out to new boundaries,

Fear is simply the unknown and unfamiliar,

That is truely what people are afraid of,

If people live only out of fear,

Then what are they actually accomplishing,

They need to realize that the only thing to fear is fear itself,

Is fear itself an imaginary thing,

Its so ironic,

How people are so filled with fear,

They they go through life,

Running from something that isn't really after them,

Come on people get some courage,

Live life for what it really is,

A one-time opportunity for greatness,

Be daring and be bold,

Stop fearing the unknown and try something new.

April 12, 2004

Lost

by: EJ

How many times have I been lost before,

Have I ever really been found,

I don't think so,

I'm excellent at fooling others,

But I'm even better at fooling myself,

I don't understand how I make it through everyday,

I don't belong to anything,

Not a group or a person,

Not this school or this life,

None of it has meaning,

But yet I still stumble along the same path,

Even if I changed paths,

I'd still be lost,

Its been so long since I've felt safe and content,

I've been searching for so long,

To find that place again,

Perhaps it was destroyed or is now invisible,

I'm tired of being scared and alone,

Will I be stuck on this deserted island for eternity,

Perhaps I'll just go crazy one day,

And walk off into the tides of the uncharted seas,

And be washed away into it's deepest crevices,

Then I'll truely never be found,

Maybe I'm searching for the wrong thing,

Maybe I should just find some amazing grace.

March 11, 2004

The Search
by: EJ

I don't know why I feel this way,

Its like I'm suffocating or drowning,

The anxiety and depression are starting to beat me down,

Its the same old story all over again,

I search for a new ending,

But I never seem to find it,

I learn from the mistakes before,

But there are always new mistakes to be made,

I'm growing tired and weary of this story,

Maybe its not a new ending I need to find,

Perhaps I really need to find a new beginning,

Few people understand how I feel,

But the few that do, haven't found the answeres yet either,

Perhaps we're all trapped in a maze,

Like a mouse constantly searching for the cheese,

I wonder if the mouse ever felt like giving up,

Cause I do- I want to call it quits,

But can't because I can't ignore my problems,

Ignoring them only causes them to build up,

Then without warning it all comes crashing down,

And I hit rock bottom face first,

I'm tired of feeling this emptiness,

I'm tired of having a cold and stone heart,

I am immune to feeling any real emotion,

It all seems surreal like a movie,

I'm on the outside of the world - looking in,

Its like I'm watching a play of my life,

But yet I really should be living that life,

Not watching it,

I keep floating outside the world and watching everyone,

Wondering when gravity will pull me back to sanity,

Perhaps I keep floating because of the empty void withing me,

But so far I've failed with everything I've tried to fill the void with,

Those things only made me feel emptier,

I ponder what of all things can fill the void,

What is it that will make me happy,

Perhaps its not just one thing I need to find,

Like a scavenger hunt,

And once you have everythnig on the list - you win a prize,

The problem is that I don't have a list,

So I'm guessing that this search,

Is going to be a long journey,

But hopefully I'll find everything I need,

And patch up that huge void,

And once again be happy.

February 24, 2004

Marbles
by: EJ

Marbles scatter the floor,

Just like our life has become,

Almost a complete disaster area,

They've even put up the yellow caution tape,

I don't think they realize,

That they're the cause for all of the damage,

Its going to take awhile to clean this mess up,

Why can't they see,

That they're the ones causing the pain,

Its not me doing it,

I'm only full of love and compassion for their child,

I have no intentions of hurting anyone,

If only they could put their defense mechanisms away,

And give me a chance,

Perhaps they'd see I'm not all that bad,

I respect their opinions and decisions,

But I also think their own pride is the problem,

They seem to care more about how society will see them,

Rather than caring about how their own child feels,

How can they not see how much they're hurting their child,

Have they lost their marbles or something,

Cause I know I'm beginning to lose mine.

February 16, 2004

The Digger
by: EJ

I'm in trouble now,

I'm stuck in this hole again,

And it keeps getting deeper,

Its harder to climb out on my own,

I'm struggling and fighting everyday,

I've cried out for help,

But no one hears me or they don't care,

Or perhaps they don't believe me,

I'm not lazy - I'm just mentally impaired,

I have physical things wrong with me,

That caused me to be mentally impaired,

Its hard to cope with,

Especially when no one understands,

And when no one will help,

Some say I'm digging my own grave,

Maybe they're right to some degree,

I may be the one digging the hole,

But who will push the mound of dirt over the edge,

That will ultimately bury me,

If only some one would throw me a rope,

Maybe I could pull myself out of this place and time,

I'm desperate these days,

I'm begging for help,

I don't want ot be the digger anymore.

January 18, 2004

Shining Heart
by: EJ

The age of innocence,

Coloring aimlessly for hours, in the biggest of coloring books,

Watching cartoons in the early hours of the day,

Chasing each other around the merry-go-round,

Giggling at everything, just simply enjoying life,

Being interested in everything,

Being ignorant and clueless,

Those were the days,

But as you get older,

There is the age of realization,

And for some like me its an ugly sight,

The world is full of misery and cruelty,

Happiness and love diminish,

Greed and power take over,

We all seem to become robots,

With no compassion or self-respect,

Where do we lose sight of it all,

Why do we become so consumed in what we do,

Rather than living life to its fullest,

What happened to enjoying what we do,

What happened to being curious of why something is the way it is,

Perhaps the adult world should find away,

To make our past a part of the present,

We should let our inner-child's heart shine again.