July 31, 2005

Never Knowing

by: EJ

Its always such a joke to claim that I'm happy,

Cause its always a lie,

I tried once more to do the relationship thing,

What can I say its not working out,

I'm pulling the same shit again,

Except for this time I really like her,

But of course she doesn't realize this,

As I write this I have my razorblade and washcloth,

Next to me on this desk,

But of course she doesn't realize this,

Why because shes not here,

Shes giving me space that I never asked for,

I haven't gotten to talk to her about how I feel,

I may not want to be in a relationship with her,

But that doesn't mean I don't want to be with her,

Afterall I only get to see her once a week,

I may not be happy but its not because of her,

Its cause I don't love myself,

I have a rainbow flag symbolizing pride in my living room,

Its ironic cause I don't have any pride in myself at all,

Matter of fact I hate myself and the way I am,

I used to wonder what life was about,

Now I just wish it was all over.